Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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