the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
