i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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