i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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