??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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