I smell stomach acid.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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