yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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