I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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