she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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