I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
