a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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