when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
