I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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