So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You're like the curious george of whores
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize