I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
