I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Panties = found
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
