I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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