haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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