People in love make me want to vomit
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
