What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
And then he peed in my hair
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