I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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