First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize