I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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