I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize