that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
