Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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