lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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