I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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