I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize