id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
