waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this hospital has no fireball
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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