omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
