bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
