woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
