I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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