Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well you can't waste a boner
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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