i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
