i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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