I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
