Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
