So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
