If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
