Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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