My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize