Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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