When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My life is pants optional.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
