it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
