she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
