I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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