so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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