i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
