Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
