I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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