there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize