if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
