Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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