I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
