happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
