he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
