your parents love me but you hate me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
