you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
