my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
