I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
