I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
