I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
