I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
