I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
