R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
