Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
