We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
