I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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