So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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