help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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