I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
