Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
