I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
