New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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