she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
