I didn't shave. On purpose
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
