I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
