I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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