Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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