1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
