why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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