we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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