Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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