Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize