I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
