Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
