She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
