Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
