I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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