Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
