when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
