Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
