sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
