Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
