After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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