Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
