This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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