I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This house was built for laser tag.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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