I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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