i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
