she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
