Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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