that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize