I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
