apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
