i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
