Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
