billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
