some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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