The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm always down for nudity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize