I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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