we have officially lost it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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