sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
