After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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