Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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