what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
