I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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