meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
