Im at strip club and am horny
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
